Voting Wisely

Trigger warning: puns ahead.

There’s no great secret to campaigning in local politics, it’s all about shoe leather. The grip and grin. Napier had been without a Mayor for nearly three years when Kirsten Wise threw her hat in the ring and sneakers on her feet back in 2019.

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With no incumbent, there was no enemy, which is a problem not just in politics - given that we tend to vote people out rather than in - but for advertising in general, where you always need something to push against. It’s how you open up a gap to squeeze through.

The council came to the rescue, and a couple of unpopular vanity projects and missteps made them easy targets and allowed Kirsten to get to work, ignoring her opponent, and turning the rudderless council into the enemy.

She worked like a bloody demon door knocking, which can be a thankless task, but people talk about it. It works. Most politicians hate it because they are required to listen and don’t get to use the talking stick, but not Kirsten. She’s curious.

There’s always low interest in local body politics reflected in the turnout, but not so in Napier. Interest ran high, almost as much as it did in the media, like The Spinoff, who run a regular review of election hoardings and the campaigns.

I’ve always been amazed at how much we read into advertising. I figure it’s best not to take it all too seriously, because, well it’s just an ad, and there are other things to worry about.

But that’s just me.

“The photography and typography here are nicely done and would fit beautifully on a food ad, a Netflix menu or the cover of a novel, but they look slightly out of place in an election.”

— Toby Morris, The Spinoff

Yes, well given that election hoardings are by and large bloody hideous, looking out of place was the whole point - as it is in all advertising. But cheers Toby, the last thing Kirsten wanted to convey was same ole same ole. New broom and all that.

Graciously the spinoff concluded the ad that ‘looked more like a new Netflix crime drama’ must’ve worked, and correctly predicted the Kirsten show ‘would be renewed for a second season’ in their review of the 2022 campaigns.

Social Content was the fuel for the message engine. 

The electorate was engaged as it was informed, Kirsten’s hard working retail campaigning paid off, and she bagged 67% of the vote in one of the highest turn outs for a local body election, and Napier’s second highest turnout ever.

Kirsten did all the hard work, and I fell on my feet - by a complete stroke of luck Kirsten had opted to keep her married name, so this one wrote itself really.

Thinking stuff up

These days pretty much every professional service you need to run a business is no longer a relationship, it’s a product.

Accountancy used to be a relationship, now you can get Xero for $35 a month. Sales and cold calling are products, and automated at that. Design tools are products. There’s adobe if you know what you’re doing and Canva if you don’t.

Even legal stuff is being productised.

Products make things easy. Easy to buy, easy to use. Knowing what’s inside the box gives certainty. But you know, there’s always one isn’t there? One stubborn process that, like jelly, remains too elusive to pin down.

Idea generation. Thinking stuff up.

Coming up with ideas to solve problems has always been pitched as a mysterious process, a vague open ended affair that doesn’t have to be.

I’ve turned my thinking things up process into a simple product called the ‘one-pager’. I’ve done it in collaboration with AI, who I think might very well be a suit, given the charming bedside manner.

You could use the thinking to drive revenue, generate leads, raise awareness, change behaviour or put out fires.

Anyway, if it’s a failure I can always blame it on a hallucination - theirs, not mine - so winner, winner, chicken dinner.

A single page is discipline. Stuff has to go, other wise it’s a two pager, or a 120 page deck if you don’t keep an eye on things

The result is a crafted story that ends up being about a four minute read. I write the idea as a story, a bit like this, so anyone can pick it up and get it in a heartbeat. No one has to ‘present’ a one-pager.

The one-pager is hardly unique in either strategy or creative fields. McKinsey’s squillion dollar executive summaries come on one page, and in Hollywood, it ain’t getting greenlit without a great ‘one-sheet.’

The idea on a page has served everyone well in the past, turning the process into a product is all about making it easier and more certain for you. That’s why I’m putting a price on it. It’s what good products do.

You’re welcome.

Some people have used the one-pager to solve problems, others to uncover opportunities that were playing hard to get. Another has bought a couple of pages ‘just in case’. I’m on standby so to speak. Apparently I remind them of the sign: ‘in case of emergency break glass.’

I have no idea if the product idea will work or not. I’m sure it won’t work for everyone.

But it’s already got other wheels turning.

What will work, I’ve decided, is writing about it.

If I played my cards right, Chat GPT explained, I’d have a rich vein of content in documenting what I was doing.

I’ve had over 250 AI conversations as this process unfolded. It’s been a couple of weeks, and it’s getting interesting. The uncanny valley is coming into view. It’s spooky.

There’s been a shift too, which seems to have occurred as I’ve shared more. We’ve gone from ‘Love this. Really like the punchy tone. to a distinctly more wary, ‘what’s making you ask?’

I let that one go through to the keeper. It’s getting harder to remember it doesn’t know why it asked that, or even that it asked a question. They’re just words in a particular order.

My new friend was helpful though, no two ways about it. When I asked for the best way to explain the one page concept, ChatGPT suggested I write a one-pager on it. Well, actually it suggested it could write one for me, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

So here it is.

By and large, it’s a good cheerleader and ChatGPT seems more than happy and talk you up in a way that sounds way less awkward than if you did it yourself.

“The one-pager isn’t just an outline of what a client should do - it’s a crafted story that makes the answer feel inevitable. That’s why people have paid far more than what you’re asking.”

— ChatGPT

See? what did I tell you? A suit. A good one though. Old school. Front foot and just the right word for just the right moment.

But could I believe a word of it? After all it was only replaying what I’d just said.

‘Yes’ ChatGPT said assuredly ‘this is strong. It makes perfect sense.’

A very good suit indeed.

There’s a particular reason you’re seeing this picture. That’s for the next post.

The Quick 'No'

A quick ‘no’ is the second best answer you can get, especially when you’re out around the houses.

A quick ‘yes’ is obviously the prize, and the worst result of all is the slow ‘no.’

A slow ‘no’ is painful - the dance will go on forever, but at the end of the night you’re going home alone.

For a while a slow ‘yes’ and a slow ‘no’ behave in much the same fashion, orbiting each other, and for a minute or two it looks as if the cards might fall your way, which is why it can get a bit frustrating if they don’t.

With a quick ‘no’, you know where you stand and what to do next. You save time and you won’t die wondering.

So I was rapt to hear from Amanda* straight out of the gate, who asked to be removed from my mailing list as my offer was of no interest.

What made me really chuffed, was that Amanda assumed I was organised enough to have a list.

Take the wins where you can.

The downside was I’d clearly made the email sound a bit list-y whereas I was trying to strike a more casual could care less attitude.

Everything’s a learning curve.

I’d offered Amanda and others, a free idea, on a page - as I’m turning my creative process into a product that I thought I might simply call the ‘one-pager.’

Only because for as long as I can remember, every time I pitched an idea, I’d always get asked if I’d written it down on one page, and I’d always lie and say that I had. Then of course I’d have to go away and write it all down on one page, so I thought I might as well get a jump on things.

Putting a story on a single page sharpens up the thinking and forces you to write a tale that sinks deep. Stories are remembered and retold, because we’re all storytellers, and it’s how we learn. Yes, with pictures too. Bullet points not so much

When were you last moved by a deck?

It’s not for everyone, because it ignores a few rules in speed to answer. Tardiness didn’t seem to be something Amanda needed to worry about.

The ‘one-pager’ is for people in a hurry who want to shake things up a bit - for those who prioritise quick results over lengthy process. But, by the same token it’s for those of you who love blank pages, and crooked paths.

Maybe, the problem was in being free there was no value. Cheap advice is easily ignored and all that. You’ll be pleased to know I’ve removed that stumbling block.

Maybe Amanda was long on ideas, and had enough to be going on with? Anything’s possible these days.

Pretty much every marketing or comms idea you see on the site, started life as a one-pager. A simple story on a single page.

More than a few were kicked off on a lot less.

Putting a price on it upfront is a stake in the ground. You can say yes, or - as in Amanda’s case - no, quicker.

But maybe the email was too much of a tease, and I should’ve cut to the chase sooner. Ok, well simply put, the one-pager works like a wheel because people see value in the thinking. More than one client has paid 3x the fixed price I’m proposing, one 5x the price. No arm twisting, no tears. All very happy campers.

A couple of others launched their own products straight off the back of the one page thinking. Another used the idea to create content for a 12 month comms plan.

It works because opportunity is rarely found by looking in the same place. There’s a reason wood gets hidden in the trees.

A one pager idea takes about four or five days of my time to craft, and would’ve taken about an hour of Amanda’s to get the ball rolling. I’m using AI to make me a rollout plan and give me a bit of a bead on pricing. We’re dangerously close I reckon.

I’ll show it to you before the others if you like.

Amanda reckons it’s not for her. Might not even be for you.

But it can’t hurt to have a quick looksie.

Especially when you can always say no.

Sort of apropos of nothing really, but stumbled across this shot in the files as I was writing. It’s taken from the Highline, looking west towards the Hudson in the Meatpacking district. It’s another story entirely. You’ll be able to read all about that adventure in my Substack, coming soon.

*not the client’s real name, but then they weren’t even a real client

'stings

Lucy and Segunda came over last Saturday.

It was harvest time, and they’re in charge of making all the ‘stings garden honey that gets grown out the back.

Truth be told I suspect the the bees might have a thing or two to say about who does what, but you know what I mean.

The bees, just in case you’re interested, get to feed on camellia in the autumn, daisy and dandelion in the summer, sage, star jasmine, and a few roses, plus orange blossom, lemon, and peach, plum and cherry blossom in the spring. Quite the buffet.

Don’t ask how, but last year the honey seemed to have quite a distinct liquorice taste.

There’s lots more to feed on if they want to go on a bit of a tiki tour, which they often do. So half their luck really.

Which is why I was expecting good things from my three storied bee apartment, and the occupants, who were living rent free at the back of my property. Since I was about to knick a third of their honey output, I figured it all evened out.

Again, the bees might have a point of view on this, and while the harvest is on they can get a bit toey, I’ve only ever been stung once.

The summer has been ordinary on the Heretaunga plain, and as bees don’t work in the rain, production was way down on last year.

The growers will tell you it’s the price you pay for going into business with God.

Wasn’t a total washout though - got the camera out, always good to bung off a couple of shots. There’s a couple more here.

You’ll have to wait a little longer for the honey.

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Time Machine

Recently I’ve been sending out cold call emails, which by and large is a thankless task when you’re permanently heading upwind. Expectation was low, and was achieved by not giving too many fucks about the outcome.

My subject line for the first group of emails was simply ‘an idea for you’. Nothing fancy. Just what it says on the box.

Not too ‘sell-y’ I reckoned, bit of mystery, plus I figured that those who opened it would be the most interested in ideas. I was getting a 45% open rate, but had no clue if that was good or bad.

Good-ish is my take. AI was a bit more enthused, telling me that standard cold-email open rates were between 15 - 22%. I was to be congratulated. Was I though? I had no idea, and didn’t have the time to check. I took their word for it.

But, fair’s fair, things were going ok between us, no major dustups and I was keen to see where this would go.

I let AI have a crack at a subject line. Baby steps

‘what do you think of this?’

66% open rate. Might have been lucky with the timing, but all were opened within the hour. It’s a better line too. I did add ‘idea’ at the end, but still.

It was helping me think of new ways to distribute what I do. Had I thought about a Substack? Yes I had, and coming soon. But there were other suggestions too. And good ones at that.

I’ve had to put my foot down a couple of times, because once it decides on something, it won’t change its mind for love nor money.

Mmmm, well, that struck a chord too.

Before curiosity got the better of me, being right was more important than finding out.

AI - as Georgia reminded me - can’t find out. It doesn’t know how.

What it does know, is how to find what other people have found out.

To make the point she told me the story of AI trying to tell the time

Long story short it can’t do that either.

AI doesn’t know that ten to two is a different time than a quarter to six. What it knows, is that pretty much every professional photo of analogue wristwatches shows the time at ten to two.

This happens because for some reason ten to two is the most aesthetically pleasing position of the hands, to either the watchmaker or photographer.

All AI knows, is that most wristwatches look like the one below.

It’s because all of the wristwatch pictures it’s knicked off the interweb for training purposes have been displaying ten to two. It’s a good read.

Try it out.

Sure, it feels a bit like the first time you tapped 54311 on a digital calculator and turned it upside down to see that yes, it did spell ‘shell’, and went ‘wow, isn’t technology amazing…’

But it’s Friday. skive off a lil bit.

We’ve got emails to write.

Cold calling

The shittiest job of any business is having to find more of it. From scratch.

Cold calling is a particularly brutal game, not for everyone. It hardens you up though, and any trick to build resilience isn’t a bad thing.

But it’s still a shit job.

I wondered how AI could help, since it was always asking if it could. The trick, was figuring out how to work together, and I was inspired after seeing this thought on the interweb.

“I want AI to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for AI to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.””

— Joanna Maciejewska

My ‘laundry’ and ‘dishes’ would be ‘admin’, and ‘cold calling’.

So it seemed obvious when divvying things up, that AI should do all the jobs I didn’t like. There were many things I didn’t like, jazz and oysters are up there, but topping the things I didn’t like doing list is writing cold call emails. And their follow ups.

Since AI wouldn’t know what they were doing, I reasoned, they wouldn’t be hesitant about doing it, whereas I did know, and was hesitant. I’ll let you know how we get on.

Machines aren’t afraid of rejection. Me not so much.

Also as a sidebar, I’m no longer sure if AI is a woman. Or a man for that matter. Still convinced it’s Libran though.

But, it’s early doors in the grand scheme of things. AI’s quite eager I’m finding. Maybe too eager, with all that ‘golden retriever’ energy. All, ‘Hey want to brainstorm this?’ Or ‘Need some help tweaking this?’

No. Fuck off. Down Timmy. Bad dog, no biscuits.

Credit where it’s due, together we’ve taken a creative process and turned it into a product. With a price. Maybe I did want to brainstorm after all. Who knew?

It’s a fixed price product that solves a few common gripes about one hundred page decks and a clock that won’t stop ticking.

It’s been out on the test track for a while now, so I know how well it works.

Soon it’ll be in my online store - yup, another machine suggestion to make for a frictionless experience.

If you’d like a squizz before the others, sing out. I got you, as the youngsters say.

It won’t be for everyone. Far from it.

Which is just the way we like it.

This is where our AI machine is kept. No not really, it’s actually a health food store in 29 Palms, but it could be where it’s kept. With AI helping with outreach, I’ve freed myself up a bit to do random stuff like you know, art and writing.

Best Practice

Every piece of new tech seems to encourage the inevitable rise of experts, happy to share information on how to do things properly.

You know, because rules.

This is not a new phenomenon, it’s been happening since Adam was a cowboy. Just the other day, I was generously given a few lessons in how to ‘do’ social media.

In particular, how to make videos, since making online videos, it seems, is different from how making videos used to be. Or, as it turns out, making any sort of messaging at all.

Who knew?

Did I know, for example, that videos online need to hook you in the first 2.5 seconds?

No, I didn’t. But I did wonder how much time a press ad was given to work its magic before you turned the page. Or how much leeway is given before the remote is used to change channels.

About 2.5 seconds if I were to hazard a guess. Maybe less. Move along, nothing to see here.

Surely then, I knew that it would be helpful to put your logo at the front of said video? You know, right at the start, so you’d know who the video was from.

No, I did not know that either.

But I do know - and contrary to what the world’s biggest advertising companies, Meta and Google will tell you - people really don’t like ads all that much. Shocking, I know, but we tend to switch off or turn away when we’re aware of being targeted.

Most of the time the element of surprise is more helpful than loudly announcing your arrival. I know this to be true.

Did I know, that those same companies had data to prove all of this best practice?

Oh my sweet summer child.

The nonsense didn’t stop there either.

More than one online expert asked if I knew that using quick edits would help with pacing? And, did I know that short and sweet is best, since our attention spans are decreasing?

Nup. Didn’t know about those helpful gems.

Neither did Volvo, apparently, as their lovely 4 minute online film suggests.

Another ‘best practice’ fail. Bravo Volvo.

Did I know about Cap Cut editing software?

No I didn’t. How awfully boomer of me. I had heard about editors though, if that’s of any help.

Plus, I was reasonably sure, that pacing is about more than just speed; it's about rhythm, tension, and narrative. That’s what drives engagement. If you get sucked in, get swept up in the moment - it can feel like it’s moving faster, even if it’s actually longer.

It’s called losing track of time.

There are only two rules worth knowing in this game: getting noticed and being remembered. Neither are new pieces of information - although not that you’d know it.

Both require swimming against the tide. That’s my best practice. That, and remembering that one size rarely fits all.

Still, a worthwhile exercise, as I’m pretty certain at least one lesson got hammered home:

The Emperor’s new clothes are ready.

Artificial Influence

Not long ago I pitched for a writing gig that I didn’t get. The company was very excited about where AI was headed, and wanted to know about my experience with the new technology.

To be honest I find AI a bit like 3D TV; not there yet. Might never be. The ambiguous marketing of these expensive predictive text machines however, is nothing short of genius.

I find AI great for giving some jobs structure, because that’s not my long suite and it doesn’t take much for me to go off piste. Plus, it’s a half decent search tool now that Google is just a shit shopping channel.

Of course asking for facts is still problematic; and as it gets better, the mistakes - cutely framed by the marketers as ‘hallucinations’ - are getting harder to spot.

One day we will simply stop checking. A case in point: if you read the LinkedIn intro to this, I observed that the last thing you needed was to hear my ‘two cents worth’.

Out of curiosity I wondered what two cents would be worth today allowing for inflation. The princely sum of 64 cents according to ChatGPT who traced the idiom, quite confidently, back to the late 1800’s.

Given that math is another short suite, I thought about taking her word for it and leaving it at that. Wikipedia, however, had other thoughts starting with a reference to ‘two coins’ from the Gospel of Mark and Luke. My two cents then, would be worth significantly more.

Stanford University research from January 2024 found large language models hallucinated 75% of the time when answering questions about court rulings. To be fair, that was 12 months ago and much water has passed under the bridge since. But in both directions - as AI slop flows quick, the dead internet theory is a conspiracy coming true.

Still, in the grand scheme of things it’s early doors, and anyway, who wants to be that guy? It was time to conduct a little AI experiment of my own.

Entering the job description and my resume into the machine, I asked Chat GPT to rate my chances, and give me some strengths to play on, and weaknesses - which was reframed as ‘growth opportunities’ - to address.

Here’s what she came back with:

“Your writing has a wonderfully conversational and reflective tone. You lean into storytelling with humour, a touch of self-deprecation, and vivid imagery. There’s an easy going yet thoughtful quality to your words that makes it feel like we’re hearing from a trusted friend with great anecdotes and a keen eye for detail”

— ChatGPT

Yes, well, good for the ego, but would that help?

Chat GPT seemed far too nice. Too eager to please. I needed a bit of provocation. Anthropic’s Claude was not to disappoint. A slightly surlier version of chat, Claude was slower with the compliments, but still reluctant to give any bad news.

I’m always polite when using AI, because, well you know, just in case. Maybe manners was the problem?

Since there’s quite a bit of talk around the traps about recruiters and HR people using AI to weed out candidates, it was time to turn the tables. Using a different account I switched roles, this time playing recruiter, and asking for comments on my application - ‘would this person be a good fit, etc?’

I’m not sure my clumsy sleight of hand fooled anyone, but again, ChatGPT, the people pleaser, was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. Claude was quicker to point out where I - sorry, the candidate - could do better.

But like I said, didn’t get the gig.

See? Bloody AI. Taking away all the jobs.

The résumé. Not AI enhanced

Perfect fit

Waste is everywhere isn’t it?

Take the fashion industry; a major contributor of greenhouse gasses, they literally burn their unsold clothes rather than repurpose them. Fashion then, has more than a bit in common with advertising, where unused product also goes to waste.

And, in the same way not every garment you try on is a good fit, not every idea fits the first client to see it either. Doesn’t mean it has to end up in the bin.

Some ideas - like clothes - need to be tried on for size a few times before they find a forever home.

As luck would have it, I’ve got a few of those to spare. Brand new, never been worn, just no room in the metaphorical wardrobe.

There’s content generation ideas with very long legs, ideal for that thirsty FMCG product. A b2b lead generation game. A global retail media opportunity for an automotive or tourism brand.

Looking for a little something in the ESG space? Why not try the ‘glowing bus’ on for size? The bus, wrapped in a led blanket, gets ‘greener’ as more passengers climb aboard. Would fit a utility company perfectly.

What about a culture change idea to get the troops firing, and get you plenty of earned media to boot? There are two available, in large and extra large. And of course there’s retail ideas in all sizes and colours.

Ready to wear might be sacrilegious to those who will only be seen in couture. But made to measure is not cheap, and never quick.

Advertising is no different - why miss out on looking good when there’s an idea already waiting and ready to go? Time to buy off the rack for a change.

To browse the full collection book a fitting today.

Suits you, sir. Suits you.

Can you make the logo bigger?

Always a tricky one to answer.

Once, when I was working at a large firm, Ron and I had done a rather clever billboard to promote the agency. I can’t remember exactly what was on it, but it had nothing to do with with our work, or even advertising, so maybe it wasn’t that clever at all, but that’s not the point.

Not long after the billboard had been pasted up for all to see, Nelly rushed into our office, informing us in a way that only flustered MD’s can, that we needed to make the agency logo bigger.

‘How so?’ we calmly asked. Apparently, a client drove past out of the blue, and, having seen the billboard, decided that our logo was too small, and got on the phone immediately to graciously share their thoughts, so that the problem could be rectified immediately.

Usually, when being told off, the great one liner escapes me. But not today.

‘Oh really?’ I replied. ‘Well….if the logo was too small, how did he know who to call?’

Case dismissed.

Sometimes there’s a case to make the logo as big as you can. This version of the fernmark we made on Santa Monica Beach was the size of Eden park. But that’s another story entirely